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The Jewish Teen's Survival Guide
Honest Answers for Today's TeensRabbi Dovid Hochberg
The Jewish Teen's Survival Guide
The questions are honest. So are the answers.
From peer pressure to attraction, from habits to guilt, noted psychotherapist Rabbi Dovid Hochberg tackles it all as he addresses the real-life questions and burning issues that are important to every Jewish teenager--without preaching or lecturing. A survival guide that is true to its name with clear, direct answers that you've always been looking for, this is an absolute essential for every Jewish teen.
Book Excerpt from The Jewish Teen's Survival Guide
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The Jewish Teen's Survival Guide:
A Jewish teen essential, The Jewish Teen's Survival Guide is jam-packed with real-life questions & honest answers for every Jewish teenager, presented by a down-to-earth Rabbi & psychotherapist with humor and wit.
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WHY BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It’s the ultimate question. It’s the question that has been bothering mankind since the beginning of time. It is the question that we struggle with constantly as we experience the ups and downs of life. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The Torah (Shemos 33, 19–20) tells us that Moshe, our greatest leader, asked G-d an unusual question. Moshe asked G-d if he could see His face. G-d responded that He would show Moshe His back, for no living mortal would be able to see His face (see Berachos 7a).
What is this strange discussion about faces and backs and what does it have to do with our question? The answer is that seeing a person’s face allows you to recognize him easily. You can pick him out in a crowd or identify him from far away. However, if all you see is a person’s back, it will be much more difficult to recognize him later in a crowd. You didn’t see him clearly enough. Moshe asked to see G-d’s face. “Please,” Moshe asked, “let me see You clearly. Show me how You interact with the world and why You do all the things that You do. I want to see You clearly in all that happens in life, whether it seems good or bad.”
G-d responded, “No, Moshe, you cannot see My face. Since you are a mortal, you will not be able to fully comprehend all of My actions. However, I will show you My back and allow you to partially understand why I do certain things. But you will not be able to see Me clearly and understand why I seemingly make good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people.”
The greatest Jewish leader in history was not given a clear answer to this question. So, you are probably wondering what I am going to tell you...
The truth is that the title of this chapter is misleading. It really should read “What Should We Do When Bad Things Happen to Good People?”
You see, we don’t know why bad things happen to good people. Yes, there are countless explanations that can answer parts of this question, but no one has the complete answer.
That’s the reality of it. The bottom line is that we don’t know why. However, we do have control over our responses and reactions to a tragedy.
Rav Shmuel Yaakov Weinberg, zt”l, the former rosh yeshivah of Ner Israel Rabbinical College in Baltimore, would always say, “Troubling times require a response.”
When something bad happens, you need to respond. You need to react.
It doesn’t really matter what the response is; the important thing is that you respond in a positive way.
Let me give you an example: Suppose tragedy strikes, G-d forbid, and someone who you care about suddenly passes away. You are shocked. Confused. Angry. You question why G-d allowed such a terrible thing to happen.
You need to react to this tragedy. You need to respond in some way. Perhaps you will decide to improve a particular character trait. You might choose to be more careful with your speech or perform an extra mitzvah. Maybe you will try to work on an important relationship that has fallen apart over the last few months. You may start giving more charity or helping other people more. Try to improve yourself in some way.
Let me explain why it is helpful to respond in this way. You see, we don’t have control over many things in our lives. When tragedy strikes, we feel helpless and angry. We were powerless to stop it. We desperately want to control what happens, but that just isn’t the way life works. In fact, that is why we usually ask many questions about a tragedy, trying to understand the minutest detail of what actually happened. The feeling of being out of control is very frightening. On some level, we believe that if we understand exactly what took place, we can control whether or not it will happen again.
However, when we respond in some positive way, we regain a sense of control. The message we are giving ourselves is, “I don’t understand why this terrible tragedy happened. I had no control over what happened. But it won’t be wasted on me. I do have control over how I react and I will react in a positive way to show that what happened made an impact on me. One thing is certain. This awful misfortune is causing me to take steps to become a better person.”
The interesting part is that you will feel better when you react in this manner.
No one knows why bad things happen to good people. But if they do happen, G-d forbid, try to grow from the experience.
Readers respond
Dear Rabbi,
How can a perfect G-d create evil?
Miriam
Dear Miriam,
This concept is extremely complex and probably one of the most
difficult questions that people ask. There are several approaches. Here’s
one of them:
G-d gave people bechirah, the freedom of choice, to decide between good and evil. Man receives reward for making the right choices in life. One can only do that if there is evil in existence as well. However, evil isn’t inherently bad. It is a tool, just like good, to allow man to make choices and experience the consequences of his choices.
This is a very simplistic approach, but I believe it answers your question.
Rabbi Hochberg
Dear Rabbi,
How can G-d expect perfection from us if humans are not perfect? Why must the righteous get punished for the smallest thing? Can’t G-d just say “You’ve done so much already, and since you’re only human, I’ll forgive you for the small things?”
Sara
Dear Sara,
G-d does not expect perfection from us. We aren’t angels. We were
given the ability to do right and wrong and the ability to master the urge
to do wrong.
You are asking a very deep question. The answer lies in understanding the spiritual challenges of the righteous. For example, take a school bully who steals other children’s lunch money and cruelly spits at them after he takes their money. One time, after a difficult, internal struggle, he holds himself back from spitting at his victim after he steals his money. This bully just fought a battle within him and exercised self-control by not spitting. This bully’s struggles are far below the battles that we have. We have other battles. And great, righteous people have battles that are far above our battles.
The point is that every individual struggles and has spiritual battles. The battles just take place on his or her particular level. It may seem to us that the righteous only committed a tiny infraction, but the reality is that what we are calling a tiny infraction is the equivalent of you losing one of your battles and the bully losing one of his. For the righteous, the stakes are higher, the rewards are greater, and the penalties are more severe.
But it is the same battle.
If we can’t understand the severity of the punishment, it is because the battle is taking place far above our understanding. The bully wouldn’t understand your battles, to respect your parents or help out a friend, for example. He couldn’t comprehend how a person could be punished for such an infraction. It is too far above him. And the challenges of the completely righteous are far above our challenges.
I hope that was helpful. It is a very deep concept.
Rabbi Hochberg
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