Understanding Friends

Friends are important. They make life more interesting, fun, and meaningful. "A friend is there to help when one stumbles...to be a precious confidant, a source of counsel." (MeAm Lo'ez: Koheles) There are several different kinds of friendships, each with it's own unique characteristics.

To begin with, there are friends that are called "acquaintances." These are people that you know only slightly. You may know the name of an acquaintance, his/her age, and maybe even his/her address. You may feel friendly toward an acquaintance; you may smile whenever you meet on the street or exchange greetings. You usually do not know how an acquaintance thinks or feels about too many topics, and you don't usually know very much about what is happening in his/her life. You seldom spend leisure time with acquaintances. Most people have lots of acquaintances, including fellow students or workers, neighbors, storekeepers, and people that go to the same shul, library, and other regularly attended places.

Next, there are people who are called "companions," or more commonly, "friends." Again, a person may have many companions. These are people whom you choose to spend time with. You normally know more about companions that you know about acquaintances. The better friends you are (that is, the closer you feel to each other), the more you will know. For example, you will know something about "casual friends," including a bit about their families, some of the things they like and dislike, some of the things they can and can't do well, some of the ways they think and tend to act. Casual friends may be true friends whom you like, or they may be "friends of convenience." Friends of convenience are people whom you spend time with (maybe even a great deal of time), but whose greatest common link with you is proximity. That is, they live near you or they are in some other way "convenient." Other than the convenience, you may not actually have much in common with these sorts of friends and may not have a deep friendship with them.

You will know much more about "good friends" and have a much closer feeling toward them. You will know more about their daily routine, more about their thoughts and feelings, their typical behavior, their problems, and so on. You will have more in common with them as well - intellectually and spiritually. "We can have many companions, but only few [good] friends." (Hirsch)

All of these kinds of friends - casual, convenient, and good - can be enjoyed. You may do things with friends, go places with them, talk to them, and have fun with them. You may confide in them, ask them to listen and help you with problems. Friends share ideas and feelings. They sharpen each other's minds. They celebrate events with each other. Friends help each other and support each other in lots of ways. Most people have at least one friend; some people have several friends or more.

Then there are "best friends." These are special people whom you feel very close to. "Someone who has succeeded in finding the lifelong treasure of a really true friend may be called fortunate indeed." (Hirsch) You know a lot about your best friend (including how he/she thinks and feels about most things, and your best friend knows all about you. You can share your deepest feelings with a best friend. Usually you try to spend a lot of time together or you try to speak to each other often. You know what's going on in your best friend's life. You like your best friend more than any other friend. Best friends trust each other and they can depend on each other. Some people do not have a best friend. Some people have one best friend for a while and then they change best friends. Some people have one best friend for their whole life. A few people have two best friends at a time, but this is hard to manage because best friends take a lot of time, energy, and devotion.

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