The wisdom of the Torah is
infinite, spanning from esoteric and mystical knowledge about the essence of
creation to practical, everyday, "how-to" information. The latter
type of wisdom is particularly evident when we read about the problems and
struggles of our ancestors, the great matriarchs and patriarchs of Israel. One
source of unhappiness experienced by our ancestors was their initial inability
to have children. Their words and actions in response to this unhappiness are
terse in the Torah, but they have deep ramifications which can be internalized
by modern readers and can enable us to handle our personal difficulties.
When bad things happened
to good people, our ancestors did not shrug their shoulders and say,
"Things happen because they happen." Instead, they probed deeply into
their situations, attempting to understand God's message to them, and then
sought solutions. This is especially evident in the story of Rachel.
Yaakov worked seven years for Rachel, but he loved
her so much, it seemed like no more than a few days. Finally Yaakov said to
[her father] Lavan, "The time is up. Give me my bride and let me marry
her." [Lavan] invited all the local people and made a wedding feast. In
the evening, he took his daughter Leah and brought her to [Yaakov], who
consummated the marriage with her....(Bereishis 29:20-23)
Rachel and Yaakov knew
that Lavan was a deceiver who wouldn't hesitate to substitute Rachel's sister
Leah for Rachel at the wedding. Therefore, Rachel and Yaakov devised a password
to exchange with each other under the chuppah (wedding canopy). When Rachel saw
that her father was indeed going to substitute Leah, she imagined Leah's
embarrassment should Yaakov refuse to go through with the ceremony. Leah would
be shamed and humiliated before all the townspeople. Out of compassion for her
sister, Rachel sacrificed her own happiness and told Leah the secret password.
(Bava Basra 123a).
Rachel did an amazingly
kind thing - she allowed her sister to marry her betrothed on her own wedding
night. Soon afterwards, Rachel was also married to Yaakov. However, whereas
Leah bore child after child, Rachel was barren.
And Rachel saw that she had not borne children to
Yaakov, so Rachel became envious of her sister. She said to Yaakov, "Give
me children - otherwise I will die." Yaakov's anger flared at Rachel, and
he said, "Am I instead of God who has withheld from you fruit of the
womb?" She said, "Here is my maid, Bilhah. Consort with her so that
she may bear upon my knees and I, too, may be built up through her."
(Bereishis 30:1-3)
The Torah says that Rachel
"became envious" of her sister. This is puzzling because had Rachel
been the jealous type, she would not have allowed Leah to take her place under
the chuppah. Furthermore, jealousy is forbidden by Torah law. How could our
righteous matriarch have been jealous? This passage presents additional
difficulties:
- Why did Rachel ask
Yaakov for children, as if this were totally in his control? Surely Rachel knew
that having children was up to God, not Yaakov.
- Why did Rachel say she
would die if she didn't have children? Isn't this drastic? Does life have no
meaning without children?
- Why did Yaakov become
angry at Rachel? We would expect Yaakov, a righteous man who himself had
suffered greatly, to understand and participate in his wife's pain, to feel
empathy. Yet instead he became angry at her.
- Rachel's response to
Yaakov's anger was to give him her maidservant, Bilhah, so that Yaakov could
consort with her, "that she may bear upon my knees and I too may be built
up through her." This is a strange response to Yaakov's anger, especially
for someone who was just described as envious.
As so often happens, the
Torah's recounting of biblical conversations cannot be understood without a
working knowledge of Jewish philosophy and the Oral Torah. What at first glance
appears to be puzzling or unkind language turns out to have a deep and eternal
message for us all.
Suffering
Rachel stated that if she
didn't have children, she would die. When a person prefers death to continuing
his life as it is, that person is experiencing something extreme and tragic; he
is suffering. What is suffering actually about?
There are two world views
about suffering. The first view is that suffering is sent to a person by God as
a means of pushing him away, of punishing him. It is a manifestation of God
distancing Himself from the sinner. Therefore, the person suffers not only the
pain, but the distance from God as well.
This is not the Jewish
point of view. The Hebrew word for suffering is yissurim, which connotes both chastisement and teaching. It implies
that there is a purpose to suffering, a lesson to be learned, an indication
that growth must take place. Yissurim also includes smaller disappointments,
including everyday struggles and obstacles. Our Sages say that suffering can
consist of a minor incident, for instance, when you put your hand in your
pocket and expect to find a couple of coins, but instead find only one (Arachin
16b). Disappointment and unfulfilled expectations are a form of suffering, yissurim. These yissurim, large and small, come to teach us and to help us become
better people.
The Jewish view is that
suffering comes to a person because God is expressing His desire to bring him
closer. The suffering is a revelation of God's presence and love, and an
expression of His desire to forge a deeper connection. The person who is
suffering acquires depth from his pain and distress, and if, in his anguish, he
turns to God, he builds a stronger spiritual connection. The suffering thereby
becomes a ladder to perfection and proximity to God.
A person's reaction to
suffering will depend on his world view. If he believes God is pushing him away
and punishing him, he will feel lonely and discouraged and will find no
answers. The suffering will be intensified by the pain of the perceived
rejection by God.
If a person believes that
suffering is something sent by God as a means of bringing him closer to Him,
that the suffering is for his own good, and that the suffering is a message of
love, he will feel encouraged. He will understand that suffering in this world
has a purpose and there will be some acquisition for his pain.
We spend much of our lives
acquiring possessions. Some possessions come to us as gifts, but in order to
obtain certain other possessions we must expend effort and hard work. Our
appreciation of the acquisition will depend on whether or not we earned it, and
if so, how hard we had to work to get it. Generally speaking, an acquisition
that was obtained through our labor will be more valued than one received as a
gift (Rav Chaim Goldvicht, Asufas Ma'arachos, Yissurim B'Maaseh HaKinyan).
A gift obligates the
receiver to the giver. There are always strings attached, even if not
verbalized, and, therefore, a gift received doesn't bring with it a true sense
of ownership. On the other hand, a possession accrued through hard work is not
only valued more, but it also truly "belongs" to us. This applies to
nontangible acquisitions as well - to truly "own" spiritual
acquisitions, one must work hard for them. Just as physical acquisitions must
be paid for, so must spiritual acquisitions. The value of a material possession
is stated on the price tag; the more valuable the item, the more money must be
paid for it. So, too, the more valuable a spiritual "item" is, the
more one must pay for it. The payment for these acquisitions is obviously not
money - instead it is suffering, yissurim.
Our Sages teach that there
are three spiritual acquisitions that are so valuable that they can be acquired
only through suffering. "Israel is acquired through suffering, Torah is
acquired through suffering, the World to Come is acquired through
suffering" (Berachos 8b). There is a huge price tag because these three
"items" have a value beyond our imagination.
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