First Steps in Kiruv

First Steps in Kiruv

A few basics for the complete novice
Rabbi Dovid Abenson with Henye Meyer

Larger view

First Steps in Kiruv

Thank you for your interest in First Steps in Kiruv.

We're sorry, but this book is out of print.

To receive Targum Press updates about book reprints and special offers fill in your email address:

Read an excerpt >>

Add to Wish List

Book Excerpt from First Steps in Kiruv

BEHAVIOR AND PREPARATION

Your Appearance

You represent all observant Jews — and first impressions count. Dress neatly and respectably. If you’re overweight, check that you haven’t outgrown your shirt or dress. Sheitels need to be in good condition and either look natural or be properly set.

Your Behavior

Remember that your students assume that the characteristics they see in you reflect your Orthodoxy. Be punctual. Be polite. Be understanding. Let your ahavas Yisrael show. And, most of all, be enthusiastic! Let the students see how wonderful you feel it is to be frum, because enthusiasm is contagious.

Remember that your students are social beings. Show sensitivity to the feelings of their family and friends — members of the uncommitted community — but without sacrificing your standards. Present Yiddishkeit positively, but don’t disparage people who don’t keep the mitzvos. Try to involve cheder children’s parents by showing them their children’s work, inviting them to share activities, distributing photos of their children with class projects.

Shul officials with limited knowledge of Yiddishkeit but with a keen sense of their own power may test the limits of your diplomatic skills. Keep Hillel in mind. When davening in the host shul, adhere to their conventions. Arrive on time for davening. Stay in your place; moving around during tefillos is not acceptable behavior in non-heimishe shuls. Don’t leave early. It should be unnecessary to remind you not to talk during davening. Besides the aveiros involved, be aware that silence and decorum are very important to non-Orthodox congregants. When an uncommitted Jew visits your own shul, make him welcome. Give him a siddur, if possible one with an English translation. Show him where you’re up to, not just once but at regular intervals. Don’t stare at him, and don’t let your children stare or make comments. And don’t be condescending. How well do you perform the Japanese tea ceremony? Your Techniques There’s more to teaching a class of non-Orthodox students than doing your homework on the parashah. Be prepared for questions on sensitive topics like homosexuality and euthanasia, as well as challenges about sheitels and large families. Present the Torah view on such issues in a low-key manner but without apology. There’s nothing wrong with standing for something. Topics like these are ideal springboards for discussion, but you need to be in control of the discussion at all times. Besides guiding the give-and-take, you need to highlight the differences in thinking between secular and religious Jews. Your role is not only to convey information. You want to show your students that Torah applies to every situation and that Judaism is not a religion but a way of life. It’s not an easy concept to communicate. You are introducing your students to the concepts that there is a Torahdik view of the world and world events and that the Torah is not merely a book but a guide to every facet of existence. You also want to communicate the vibrancy and truth inherent in the Torah derech. Be professional. The most successful teachers are systematic and clearheaded. If this description doesn’t fit you — make it so. If you have no teaching experience, learn about lesson plans and classroom methodology. Prepare thoroughly. Assume your pupils know nothing — you may be right. At the same time, think of the questions they may ask, even “klutz kashes,” and prepare not only the answers but also your own reactions to the questions. Some of the simplest questions are the most challenging to answer. Make sure you present your ideas clearly. Write down what you intend to say, or use a tape recorder to listen to yourself. Ask a friend or chavrusa to be your audience. Speak English, not “Yidlish.” Avoid using the yeshivishe expressions that normally sprinkle your speech, or translate them (no more than two per lesson) so that your students understand you. Even if the translations are awkward and don’t really convey the “ta’am,” do your best. You’re there to communicate. Be honest. If a student asks you a question and you don’t know the answer, acknowledge the fact that the question is a good one. Admit that you don’t know the answer, but make it clear that there is an answer and that you will look it up and present it at the next class. In doing so, not only are you giving your pupil the respect he deserves for good thinking, you’re also teaching him that when it comes to Torah, we’re all constantly learning more. Ignorance isn’t a disgrace; it’s an opportunity to increase knowledge. Present the Torah viewpoint authentically but gently. Depending on their ages, your students will want to hear that it’s okay to cheat on your wife, that euthanasia is fine, that you can get special dispensation from a rabbi to go to a football game on Shabbos. They won’t like being told that Torah doesn’t approve. But you can lead the discussion further to highlight the value of life in Yiddishkeit, for instance, pointing out occasions when Shabbos must be violated to save a life. It’s also an opportunity to start accustoming your students to the idea of dedication to a higher ideal than self-gratification. Broad general knowledge is useful when teaching uncommitted Jews. Not only will it counteract the impression that all frum Jews are narrow-minded, it will give you a point of contact with your students and help you deal with the questions a wide-ranging discussion can engender. Even if your general knowledge is weak, though, keep up with the news. Few things make you look more cloistered and medieval than not knowing about yesterday’s football scores or today’s earthquake in Afghanistan. If you’re creative enough, you can even structure a lesson around such topics — and teach Torah lessons through them. Choose your words carefully to avoid being misunderstood. Be on your guard particularly when discussing Torah concepts with a secular Jew who is not interested in identity-seeking. A single “charged” word or phrase can be seized upon and blown up out of all proportion. Don’t be afraid to stop and think before explaining your viewpoint. The pause will give weight to your answer while also acknowledging the validity of the question. People who denigrate the Bible and Yiddishkeit are often criticizing, not from a vacuum of faith, but from a subconscious reluctance to accept controls on their behavior. If they admit the truth of the Torah, it follows that they must adhere to moral and ethical codes. Generally speaking, a decrease in religious commitment is accompanied by a rise in immorality, as we find in Vayeira, where Avraham was afraid Avimelech would murder him in order to take Sarah “because there is no fear of God in this place” (Bereishis 20:11). Discussions with people in this position are pointless because the challenges and questions are not actually relevant to the real, hidden issue. Never underestimate the difficulties nonobservant Jews meet when trying to make changes in their lives. Just as we have peer-group pressure to shteig in Yiddishkeit, they have peer-group pressure to remain as they are. If you sense that a student is becoming interested, tread carefully. Don’t push too hard. Let him make his own choice. An unforced decision will produce a more durable commitment. Don’t expect impressive results. The Midrash (in Shir HaShirim) compares Torah to raindrops. Raindrops fall one by one, but they merge to become a stream. Torah learning is just the same. A halachah, a tiny breakthrough in hashkafah — tiny increments of Torah knowledge — build slowly into a new awareness of Yiddishkeit. Sometimes very slowly.