Seeing Good

Who is the man who desires life, who loves days to see good? (Tehillim 34:13)

The key to this phrase is at the end of the verse: the desire “to see good.”

We need to develop a cheerful outlook and happy expectations. They make a great difference. “A good mind is always at a party” (Mishlei 15:15).

The more optimistic your attitude is, the happier you will be.

Tehillim 34 continues: “Turn away from the negative and do good....”

You can eliminate negative thoughts and think positive ones, thus generating feelings of happiness and fulfillment.

We can think of the destruction of the Twin Towers and feel weak, angry, frustrated, and unhappy. Or we can think about how we can utilize that event to grow, to rebuild, to encourage, and to empower.... Imagine if, as a result of the destruction of the Twin Towers, we stumble upon a discovery that saves 50,000 lives. Would your thoughts about that event change - at least, to some degree?

The Talmud (Yoma 86b) teaches an amazing concept: The way we repent for our past misdeeds makes all the difference in whether they are held against us or they become merits on our behalf. The more we regret misdeeds and wish we had done the right thing, the greater is Hashem’s forgiveness. Thus, it is never too late to redo our past! You can turn a past event into a positive one by rethinking it now.

Avos 2:13 outlines five pathways to achieving success: (1) a good eye, (2) a good friend, (3) a good neighbor, (4) one who foresees the consequences of his actions, and (5) a good heart.

The Sages explain “a good eye” as seeing things in a positive light. When things do not go as you had hoped, instead of blowing up with anger and resentment, learn to view the situation in a positive way.

One of the best areas to apply this concept is with our dealings with other people, who sometimes seem to be inconsiderate. You can keep rehashing a hurtful situation and judging the other person harshly, or you can apply the principle in Avos (1:6): “Judge people in a meritorious way.” Use your intelligence and your imagination to find excuses for someone’s negative behavior. For example, maybe he wasn’t feeling well. Why be upset or resentful if it will only cause you harm?

When you are optimistic, you see more possibilities and opportunities, and as a result you are happier and more effective. You see solutions to problems; you are hopeful and caring. When you look back at 9/11, you can see the people who were saved and all the good people who helped and all those who tried to help.

Forgiveness

But what is wrong with not forgiving others in the first place?

If we refuse to forgive others, we are not being like Hashem, who is “good to all” and merciful to all of His creations (Tehillim 145:9). Every time we pray the weekday Shemoneh Esrei we ask Hashem to forgive us, and we say: “For You are the Merciful One who abundantly forgives.” This forgiveness from Hashem teaches us to do the same for others.

By forgiving others, we free ourselves from pettiness and negative emotions.

Imagine your attitude toward life if you were like Aharon, who loved everyone and pursued peace (Avos 1:12). You would always be optimistic, cheerful, enthusiastic, friendly, and calm. In contrast, refusal to forgive leaves you angry, stressful, anxious, and unhappy. Why do that to yourself?

We have Torah guidelines for when to forgive and when not to. For example, you should forgive your parents for all the wrong things you might think they have done to you: You owe them so much for bringing you into this world that the Torah obligates you to honor and respect them forever. Imagine if someone gave you a gift of ten million dollars and subsequently stepped on your toe by mistake. Would you complain? Be happy and grateful that you are alive and forgive your parents for anything else.

The Rambam (Hilchos Dei’os, ch. 6) outlines the procedure for the mitzvah of forgiving others. He teaches that you should not hate a person in your heart, but you should privately ask him or her outright, “Why did you do such and such to me?” It also works the other way. If you hurt someone, go and apologize. Say, “I’m very sorry for.... Please forgive me.”

The exception to these halachos are people who choose total wickedness. People such as Amalek who choose evil are to be destroyed (see Devarim 25:17–19). “Those who love Hashem hate evil” (Tehillim 97:10). By eradicating such evil, we are saving lives, promoting peace, and fulfilling the Torah precept to “destroy evil from your midst.”

Not only must we forgive others, but we also have to forgive ourselves when we do aveiros. We must repent for our wickedness and insensitivity, but then we must realize how much Hashem loves and cherishes those who repent (Rambam, Hilchos Teshuvah 7:4). With proper regret, we can change the past.

Whenever you think of some past mistake you’ve made, say, “I regret what I did. Hashem, please forgive me.”

September 11 and you: You can look back at a negative experience and find something good, a reinterpretation that can make all the difference. You can learn how to utilize the event to become a better and wiser person. We are doing that right now in using the tragic events of 9/11 to reevaluate what is important in life.

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