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Tznius Book - 6 Diaries
Six teens take a new look at tzniusAliza Goldin
Tznius Book - 6 Diaries
What comes to mind when you hear "tznius"? Six teenage girls from both modern orthodox and beis yaakov backgrounds set out to answer that question.
Tights. Ugly. Frum. Self-Esteem. Hard. Beautiful.
Necklines and hemlines, slits and socks - what's the big deal? The girls felt confused, frustrated, guilty, resentful. And afraid of change.
But they were open-minded enough to try something new. Meet once a month. Discuss tznius. Keep a weekly diary.
It wasn't easy. It wasn’t overnight. But somewhere between October and June, six girls started to see things differently. This is their open and honest diaries – their thoughts and feelings, their confusion, frustration and guilt. They challenged tznius on their own terms. They discussed topics without the censorship of adults. They took a different look at themselves. Rethink what beauty really means. Wish for more.
Avigail: There are a billion questions I have on tznius, but even when I try to get the answers, nothing clicks.
Rachel: I’m very embarrassed, but whenever I see a group of girls with the long-skirt, button-down shirt look, it makes me really nervous.
Chavi: When I think about tznius, a few things come to mind - and none of them are too exciting.
Sarah: Honestly, I'm not looking to become a totally new person at this point in my life...
Ellie: Is tznius really so up there on the priority list in Heaven? What about tefillah, simchah, things like that?
Shevi: It’s like my head keeps telling me to wear it and my heart keeps telling me not to.
Their diaries are true.
Their thoughts are totally honest.
Their journey is real.
Book Excerpt from Tznius Book - 6 Diaries
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6 Diaries
Six Jewish teenage girls keep a diary as they take a new look at the Jewish concept of tznius, modesty, by Aliza Goldin.
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Rachel
So when I was on all these really inspirational summer programs (sorry, but I just had to jump right in) I was told so, so much about tznius. I heard so many things about how in order to become a better person, you have to start with your outside and stuff like that. Dress with tznius, and your actions will follow. But isn't that hypocritical? If we say that dress is an insight into who you really are, then how come so many girls dress perfectly, but really aren't all that great once you get to know them? Also, shouldn't you improve your insides before your outsides? Which is it?
I'm very embarrassed about this, but whenever I see a group of Bais Yaakov-type girls, and I see the whole all-black look, or the long-skirt, button-down shirt look, it makes me really nervous. Like, in a way, it scares me even to talk like them, because I'm afraid I'll end up dressing like that. Is that how you have to dress to be considered tznius? Why should our only creativity be in choosing the color of the stripes on our button-downs?
I have so many questions, which is funny because I think anyone looking at me would assume I'm totally fine with tznius. I know my clothing is really ok, but... I'm excited to be a part of this.
Shevi
So I'd say it's been about a week since you asked me to be a part of this whole group thing. I was happy, surprised, and really nervous all at the same time. I'm only in tenth grade, I'm not really sure I want to change all that much - I mean, I'm open to change I guess, I just... I don't know. But then I think of all the speeches from teachers and counselors about how they didn't change until they were out of high school, and how they always regret not doing anything about this stuff when they were younger...and it just got me thinking like - what am I waiting for?
As much as I learn about tznius, there are so many things that are hard for me. I really don't try to impress anyone, and honestly, my clothing is really not bad in terms of tznius. I grew up in a family that doesn't make tznius too hard - I mean, the basics are a given, and I'm for sure not the worst at tznius in my class or anything. But tznius is so much more than that - it's the way I speak, act, walk, laugh, the things I watch and listen to. I think that tznius really defines a girl, and maybe this group will help me become happier with who I am as a person.
I guess even if I only change a little, it would be worth it. I'm not looking at this as a way to change my life, but maybe it will help me sort out a few things.
Ellie
Yeah, so this journal is really intimidating, I'm not gonna lie. And I don't really get why you chose me to be part of this... But, whether or not you end up using this, I think it will be a cool thing for me to do, so thanks!
Our first meeting is tomorrow. I don't even know the other girls in the group. The whole thing is so random. I get frustrated sometimes - I hate when people judge me or my family. There are so many things about myself and my fam that I'm so proud of, and I hate when people act like clothing is the only thing that counts. I guess sometimes I ignore tznius because I think there are a lot of other really important things to work on. How come when someone tells another person that a girl got "frummer" over the summer, the first question is always, "What does she wear/not wear now?" That's so surface! There are so many ways of becoming "frummer" - more kavanah in davening, shemiras halashon, kibud av va'eim... Why is tznius always put first?
Sometimes when I'm working on myself (don't make fun), I push tznius aside in order to make this point - that internal stuff is more important. I tell myself that there are other things I need to work on, or that I'm not up to it yet.
Or maybe I just use that as an excuse to avoid the whole topic.
Who knows?
Sarah
Tznius is one of those things in Judaism that no one really knows how to describe or how to talk about. It's a word that most kids want to just bleep out and not concentrate on - and I'm definitely one of those kids. I hate being told that something I'm wearing isn't good. I mean, doesn't everybody? I'm definitely open to growing and changing...eventually. But honestly, I'm not looking to become a totally new person at this point in my life. So I think that these meetings are going to benefit me - maybe they'll actually tell me what tznius really is, and maybe if I understand it then I'll think about it more. Maybe I'll work on it because it's important to me as a Jew, and not just because it's something I'm afraid of getting into trouble about in school.
Maybe. Right now, I think of tznius as something I know I don't care about enough. Sometimes I feel bad because I know I should care, but other times I just feel like - what's the big deal, really?
Actually, that's a lie. I know it's a big deal, it's just really hard for me right now so I get defensive and say, Who cares about tznius anyway?
I do care. I just don't know why.