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Putting Out the Fire:
The ultimate Jewish outreach book that was first seen at Agudah convention! Practical, inspiring, & down-to-earth, this Jewish outreach guide shows how every Jew can have a part in kiruv. Read Putting Out the Fire & help to quell the fires of Jewish assimilation.
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The 10 Most Common Reasons People Don’t Do Kiruv
1. I’m afraid I won’t know the answers to the questions I’ll be asked.
Experienced kiruv professionals have found that most people do not ask deep, philosophical questions. The majority of American Jews are non-observant not because of profound questions and doubts, but simply because they have never been exposed to authentic Yiddishkeit. Their questions usually revolve around day-to-day practices and fundamental beliefs rather than difficult concepts. If you encounter a question you cannot answer, admit it without hesitation, even if the question is something simple that you feel you ought to know. You can say, “I never really thought about the reason for that. Let me find out for you.” This answer indicates your honesty, and also illustrates that people can and do adhere to Jewish practices even when they don’t know all the reasons.
If you run into a difficult question, ask your Rabbi, or call or e-mail any of the kiruv resources in the appendix of this book. You need not fear questions, because every one of them has an answer and it is readily available to you.
2. I don’t have anything special to offer. I’m not sufficiently knowledgeable and my home and Shabbos table are not very inspiring.
It may be that when you compare yourself to others in your community, you see yourself as lacking. But even with the most basic yeshiva education, you have a treasure-trove to offer an unaffiliated Jew. Can you read Hebrew, follow a siddur, name the yamim tovim, read and understand an ArtScroll Chumash? Congratulations! You know more than 80 percent of the Jews in America today.
If you don’t feel people would benefit by being at your Shabbos table, choose a different mitzvah to share. Learn a little Chumash with somebody each week. Sit next to a beginner in shul. Volunteer at a local kiruv organization. Offer to help run a kiruv Shabbos in your shul. Focus on your strengths so that you can enjoy and excel in your kiruv activities.
3. I have no time. It’s too big a commitment.
Many gedolim have commented that in our generation, frenzied activity is the yetzer hara’s most effective tool. The Internet, e-mail, cell phones and so forth were all billed as time-saving devices, with the implied benefit of leaving us more personal time. But in reality, all of this high-speed technology has forced us to work faster, so that we can produce more in a shorter time. People are now on call 24/7, with no time to rest, recharge and focus on what is really important in their lives. For religious Jews, however, there is Shabbos, “an island in time,” which provides even the busiest household with an opportunity to invite guests or spend time learning with someone.
Alternatively, you can try to designate one hour a week for a kiruv activity. Maybe you can learn with someone over lunch once a week, or become a mentor for Partners in Torah. Perhaps there is a program in your shul with which you could become involved.
If you are really and truly stretched beyond your limit, get to know a local kiruv professional. Keep his phone number or that of his organization in your wallet. That way, when you encounter somebody who has an interest in Judaism, you have a number at hand to pass along. If possible, make the call on the spot and make the introduction yourself, so that you can be sure the connection is made. There is always something you can do.
And for the person who still just doesn’t want to or is truly unable to get involved, you can at least donate money to a kiruv organization!
4. My family is my first priority.
There is no contradiction between tending to your family and doing kiruv. In fact, kiruv might easily become one of your family’s most valuable activities.
Whether you bring Shabbos guests into your home, or participate as a family in a local program, your children will enjoy the experience and benefit from it as well. You will be demonstrating for your children that ahavas Yisrael is real and important to you.
If you are worried that your children will find contact with non-religious Jews to be confusing, prepare them. Explain that not everybody has had the opportunities they have had to learn Torah and do mitzvos.
Just as we share our money with those who are in need, we share our spiritual wealth as well.
But if you are still concerned, discuss it with your Rav. There are personal situations where one should not expose his family to outside influences. Yours may be one.
5. I can’t make anybody frum.
No one can. The goal is to develop genuinely caring relationships with fellow Jews, which will give them an opportunity to become exposed to a Torah home and lifestyle. The impact of this exposure develops over time, in the normal course of your lives, as they see first-hand the rhythms of Jewish life - Shabbos, yamim tovim, family simchahs, even the way in which you handle challenges. It is that personal connection which is the most potent force of all.
6. I won’t be able to find anything in common with someone who is not frum.
You may have more in common than you realize. For instance, if you encounter a kiruv prospect in your workplace, you will have your business or professional field in common. With someone else, you might share an interest in sports or a particular hobby. Initially, your relationship will not be based on Yiddishkeit. The only role religion plays at first is that the person has expressed some interest in being exposed to it.
It is not necessary to solicit strangers on the street to teach them about Judaism. The most effective and natural way to do kiruv is to foster connections with people you meet in the course of your life who ask you a question or express an interest in something Jewish. If this person is somebody you like or feel you could like, get to know him better. People will give you the opening; all you have to do is become aware of it and learn how to act on it.
7. Kiruv organizations are doing the job. Why do they need me?
With over 5,000,000 unaffiliated Jews, and under 5,000 full-time kiruv professionals in the United States, kiruv organizations are vastly outnumbered. Without widespread involvement across Klal Yisrael, the job will not get done. During the past few decades, the heyday of the kiruv movement, tens of thousands of Jews have come back to Yiddishkeit. But during that same time period, we lost over a million Jews through assimilation. Everyone is needed.
8. I do other mitzvos. Kiruv isn’t my thing. Kiruv is not just a nice thing to do. It’s a mitzvah, an obligation. Just as no Jew would ever say to himself, “Davening isn’t my thing, I don’t have the time,” or “Pesach isn’t my thing, it’s too much trouble,” one cannot just dismiss kiruv. The responsibility one Jew has for another is not optional. But even if kiruv seems out of character for you, you will find that, like every other mitzvah, Hashem has given you the assets you need to fulfill your obligation. Once you get started, you will quickly discover the many strengths you bring to the table, and the many benefits you gain by putting in your effort.
9. It’s not my business to tell others how to live. If they don’t want to keep the Torah, that’s their choice.
Imagine you saw somebody about to jump off a building. You would never just walk away and say to yourself, “To each his own. Let him jump if he wants.” You would do everything you could to convince him not to jump. If you didn’t know what to say, you would try to keep a conversation going with him while calling for help.
Our fellow Jews are not jumping off buildings; they are falling off, unwittingly, because they are walking around blindfolded. In most cases, all you have to do is show them what the world looks like without a blindfold. They can see for themselves how much more vivid, meaningful and enjoyable it is. If you can’t accomplish that yourself, you can certainly keep a conversation going long enough to introduce them to someone else who may be able to help. Even if they won’t remove the blindfold, you can at least help them loosen it a bit and let in a little light.
Most Jews adhere to a secular viewpoint out of ignorance, not by choice. A real choice can only be made if we expose them to authentic Torah Judaism, educate them properly and welcome them into our communities. Once they know enough to make an educated decision and really exercise free choice, a great many of them will choose Yiddishkeit.
10. I’ll think about it.
Do think about it, but not for too long, because with each passing minute, there are hundreds of thousands of Jews out there dating and marrying non-Jews, being approached by Christian missionaries eager to help them with their problems, joining ashrams, enrolling their children in public schools and looking for meaning in all the wrong places. Every day we spend thinking rather than doing, we lose more people, and their children, and their grandchildren, forever.
As you can see, most of the reasons people shy away from kiruv do not reflect the reality experienced by those who become involved; but that is only half the story. The other half is comprised of the tremendous benefits experienced by any person who reaches out to share Yiddishkeit with a fellow Jew. There is an unmatched feeling of inspiration and excitement in opening another person’s eyes to the Torah’s beauty. Inevitably, as the “tour guide” on someone else’s spiritual journey, you will notice and appreciate, as never before, the way of life you may otherwise take for granted.
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