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Inner Torah:
For the spiritual Jewish woman: An empowering Torah approach to Jewish self-awareness & development that gives clarity to our physical-oriented world.
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The Inner Energy Body
The physical body has an energy body within it. This energy body also extends beyond the physical body, but for present purposes I want to focus on its inner dimension, which I call the inner energy body. Though we are often unaware of it in daily life, this inner body has as much reality as the physical body. It simply exists on a subtler, less dense plane. Yet it's unmistakable when contacted. It feels like a moving vibration. It flows in a current like water. It holds imprints of life experiences. And it is home to the self's Divine inner essence.Why are we so far removed from the inner energy body? One explanation is that we are accustomed to focusing our attention outward. We use the world outside of us to anchor and stabilize ourselves. One sense or another is constantly providing a reference point in time and space through which we orient ourselves. We know where we are, and sometimes even who we are, from what we see, hear, taste, smell, and touch. That's why sensory deprivation can be so disorienting. It creates an environment where there is no outside stimuli to latch onto, throwing a person back on herself which, if she is not accustomed to being there, can be quite frightening.
So to move closer to our inner energy bodies we have to be prepared to shift focus from the world outside of us to the world within. To let go of our external frame of reference, however, necessitates that we have some other place to focus our attention, to feel held. The physical body is the next place that we encounter. It is the border between our inner realm and the outside world. By bringing attention to the physical body we begin to get a sense of being a container. The physical boundary of a body creates a space through which energy moves. Energy also moves through the parts of the body itself - the bones, muscles, ligaments, tissue, and cells.
Bringing attention to the level of the physical body itself is an accomplishment. Often we ignore it and experience ourselves as disembodied, aware of our thoughts but little else. To try to go from such a disembodied state directly to the inner energy body is hard. It is preferable to first bring awareness to the physical body, to focus on and bring attention to its different parts. In this way, we begin to cultivate an ability to sense, to become aware of ourselves on a bodily level. Initially we're likely to feel a slight tingling or warmth in areas where we put attention. Often even that much sensation is surprising if we've gone for a long time without conscious awareness of something so basic as, for example, our feet or hands. Essentially we are reacquainting ourselves with our primary home in the physical world. From there it is usually easier to develop awareness of the inner energy body.
The inner energy body is spacious and unbounded, yet contained. It invites stillness yet provides a gentle current of movement. There is a sense of floating free yet being solidly supported. Within it events and experiences of a lifetime come into sharper focus yet fade into the background of a bigger picture. Everything and its opposite, without contradiction, are held in a sea of energy waiting to be explored.
The Inner Torah Scroll
The Torah is God's communication to the Jewish people. Its content provides the guidance the Jewish nation needs to fulfill its mission. Stories are its primary medium. The scroll on which it is written is stored in a protective cabinet. We read it regularly, lovingly, and without end. We study it diligently, knowing that its stories are to be understood at increasingly deeper levels from surface to secret. We work to deepen our understanding. We review the same material repeatedly and often look to others to help us interpret correctly. This is the Torah with which we are all familiar, Torah from Sinai.There is also an inner Torah. In my mind's eye, I see the scroll on which it is written in the body of every woman with whom I work. It contains the particular stories of her life, the particular guidance she needs to fulfill her mission, the communication that God is sending particularly to her. It sits protected in her torso. Regularly and lovingly she looks inside to read another portion. She reviews the same stories time and again, each time probing deeper into their meaning and gleaning yet another level of insight. Often she asks others for help.
The work of unearthing the secrets of her life circumstances is challenging. Like learning Torah, it requires meticulous attention to nuance and subtlety, willingness to review the same material repeatedly, openness to new interpretations. And, like learning Torah, it has no end, no limit to the depth that can be reached. The commitment required to persevere is significant. No life event falls outside the purview of scrutiny. For just as there is no extra letter or word in the Torah, nothing extraneous to God's message, so there is nothing extraneous in our lives. Everything that happens, no matter how seemingly insignificant, has a place in the bigger picture.
This is holy work. The women who have undertaken it are to be acknowledged and appreciated. Without reams of commentary they are tackling the raw material of their lives, trusting that through it God is communicating with them. To see this work as studying the inner Torah is important. It provides a context greater than the self for an effort that at times may feel overly self-focused. It avoids the discouragement and frustration that can easily arise when the same material is reviewed year after year, when the message is hard to comprehend or the lesson hard to implement. To be engaged in the process with total heart and might is itself worthy. For mastery of one's inner world is a necessary prerequisite to taking one's rightful place in creation. In time, as Hashem deems appropriate, understanding will come, the woman will move a step closer to her essence, and another aspect of Hashem's presence will be manifest in the world.
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